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Wish Upon A Star   1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child's name. His name is one I thought I would say and hear for a lifetime. And now it is a name no one will say in my presence. My child lived and was important and I need to hear his name. 2. If I cry or get emotional when we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact that my child died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing. 3. I wish you wouldn't kill my child again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances. 4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs, I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling. 5. I wish you knew the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn't compare it to your loss of a parent, spouse, or a pet. 6. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. 7. I wish you knew that all the "crazy" grief reactions I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the questioning of values are to be expected following the death of a child. 8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with Alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or a "former bereaved parent," but will forevermore be a "recovering bereaved parent." 9. I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight, or loose weight, sleep all the time, or not at all, develop a host of illnesses and be accident prone, all which may be related to my grief. 10. Our child's birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us you are thinking about our child on these days, and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know we are thinking of our child and don't try and coerce us into being cheerful. 11. It is normal and good that most of us reexamine our faith, values, and beliefs after loosing a child. We will question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to see a new understanding with our God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty. 12. I wish you wouldn't offer me drinks or drugs. These are temporary crutches and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal. 13. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before the moment my child died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to my old self," you will stay frustrated. Please try and get to know the new me - maybe you'll like me still. -Author Unknown

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