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Remembering Your Child After the death of a child, parents are afraid that friends and family will forget all about that sweet child. For a grieving parent, this is unbearable. To make sure this doesn't happen, the following are some suggestions to remember and honor your child. Not everyone will feel comfortable using all of them and a few may not feel appropriate under some circumstances or situations. To use or not to use any of these suggestions is a personal choice and up to each individual. No matter how long your child was here with you, they will always be a special part of you and recognizing this publicly can be very healing. Sometimes, the bereaved parents must make the first step to let family and friends know it's okay to remember the child. It may also help your friends and family learn how to express themselves and to help you. Name your baby even if you miscarried or your child was stillborn. Send out birth announcements, even if the child was miscarried or stillborn. (You can also include the date into heaven and a brief explanation of the circumstances surrounding the death). Include the child's name on Christmas cards. Display pictures of your child throughout your home. Often include the child's name in conversations. Tell stories about the child. Talk about the décor you planned on using in the nursery. Talk about what your child had planned for the future. Start a journal and put down all of your emotions and feelings, no matter how “raw” it may feel. Read through it often. Make a special memory album or scrapbook with pictures and poems for yourself, your living children, family and close friends. Hold special memorial gatherings for family and close friends on the child's birthday, heaven date, etc. Donate your time, money, toys, clothes or basic necessities to crisis pregnancy centers, homeless shelters in memory of your child. Most organizations that have a newsletter will acknowledge your child's name in it. Sponsor events in your child's name. Buy teddy bears and give to an organization that helps children that have experienced a tragedy or give to policemen, firefighters and EMTs to have for children they help. On your child's birthday, buy a nice toy for a specific child who may not get one otherwise. Make a cake, cupcakes or your child's favorite dessert and take it to the cemetery or another special place to celebrate their birthday. Have a birthday party with the child's siblings and/or close family. Light a candle on their heaven date and let it burn all day. Decorate their gravesite for every holiday. Create a ritual that has a distinct meaning for your family. Have a picture painted of the child with siblings, angels, butterflies and/or a significant memory or meaning in the background. (Example: If the child played baseball, you could have a ball, bat and glove in it. Or if she loved horses, have a horse included). Have a yearly picture painted as the child might have looked like. (Make sure to find someone experienced in this area or experienced in age progression drawing). Give a special blanket to a grieving family or whose child is in the NICU or going home from the hospital. Start a new plant from a cutting of a special plant that was given to you for your child, maybe a plant that you received while your child was in the hospital or at the funeral. Give this new plant to a newly bereaved family and attach a short note about what it means. For some, ivy is excellent for this. Plant a tree in your yard or plant many trees in a public place such as a park and include a weather-proof marker with your child's name on it. Plant a memorial garden in your own yard or make a children's memorial garden in a public place for other bereaved parents to visit. Plant a unique flower in your garden. Design an angel garden or an angel room. Buy a special angel figurine. Buy or make a special box to have a few of the child's things in and set it out so you, your family and friends can look through it. Put the ultrasound or a picture taken at birth in a distinct picture frame. Put the ultrasounds in a decorated box with a letter you wrote to your child, a poem or a bible verse. Make a shadow box with some of the child's keepsakes. Make a memorial website. Start a non-profit organization to help other families, or if your child was interested in a certain cause, start one for that or help an existing one. Hold a balloon release with a note attached. (Some families don't like to do this because of the wild and domestic animals that can get caught in the string or choke on the broken balloons). Holidays can be an especially hard time of the year. Here are a few extra ideas to remember your child: Buy an ornament every year. Display the new one away from the Christmas tree and put the previous ornament on the tree with the others. Buy a special candle to burn only during the holidays. Example: A red one for Valentine's Day, a baby powder scented one for the month of your child's birth, a pumpkin pie scented one for Thanksgiving, a flower scented one for spring, etc. Buy Christmas gifts for an entire family with children. Decorate another child's gravesite that seems to be neglected.

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